"Baby Q"
Over the past few years my sense of anticipation has been filled with feelings of mixed emotions. As my Mother became very ill, I felt as though I was always caught in fear and sadness; constantly waiting for her test results, treatments, or just some sign of whatever was going to happen next. After she passed away, I actually felt a sense of withdrawal, I couldn’t grasp that my mind could settle, the worst had happened and you feel guilty to not to continue to worry, or anticipate what might happen next.
Slowly, as my family and I begin to heal, I am allowing new forms of anticipation build in my life. My full-time job at the University has begun to change, new people have arrived and the organization is taking on a new and very exciting form. With my Mother now resting, I am getting to know members of my family who I might not have ever known on this level if we hadn’t shared in the sadness we all recently endured. Finally, I am chasing after my dream and allowing my creativity to bloom through my photography.
This new journey as a photographer, has allowed me to connect with old friends and create some new relationships with some really fantastic people. Most recently, I was able to connect with a long time friend, Jessica who is expecting her second child. During the shoot I couldn’t help but feel the happiness Jessica and her family were feeling as they talked about the pregnancy and all the plans that were being made for the aptly named “Baby Q”. Just watching Jessica and her husband Ryan, as they hold the belly bubble containing their Baby Q to pose for a photo, I found myself very touched by their warmth and the anticipation they felt as they wait for the arrival of their new bundle of joy.
We anticipate so much in life and have so many expectations. As I reflect back on my past few years of heartache, to watch this young couple as they prepare for new life gives me hope that new forms of anticipation and excitement are headed my way. I guess it’s just as my Mother intended for me, she gave me life so I could live and feel it and eventually pass it on with all of it’s pain and glory.
) but maybe it is… I feel as though I’m waking up and seeing things differently, I’m thinking more about what actually matters and what doesn’t and my list is completely different than the things that mattered to me before.
